If you have any other Ways to be Annoying, E-Mail them to me & I'll throw
them on here.
You are the person to be at this "Annoying" Page since
November 14,1997.
101 Ways to be Annoying
99 Ways to be Annoying While Ordering a Pizza
10 ways to Be an Annoying Usher
One's that have E-Mail Me
101 Ways to be Annoying
1.Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2.In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3.Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4.Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
5.If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6.Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7.Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8.Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9.Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."
10.Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
11.Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12.Sniffle incessantly.
13.Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14.Name your dog "Dog."
15.Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16.Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17.Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
18.Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace." Sue your downstairs neighbors for "violating your mineral rights."
19.Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20.Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
21.Practice making fax and modem noises.
22.Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23.Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24.Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25.Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
26.Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
27.Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
28.Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
29.Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30.Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31.Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32.Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
33.Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
34.Drum on every available surface.
35.Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36.Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37.Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38.Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
39.Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40.Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41.Set alarms for random times.
42.Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43.Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
44.Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
45.Honk and wave to strangers.
46.Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
47.Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48.Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
49.Wear your pants backwards.
50.Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
51.Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
52.ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53.only type in lowercase.
54.dont use any punctuation either
55.Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56.Pay for your dinner with pennies.
57.Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58.Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59.Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
60.Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J. Simpson conspiracy theories.
61.Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
62.Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63.Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64.Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65.Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
66.At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67.When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
68.Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69.As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70.Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71.Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72.Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
73.Drive half a block.
74.Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75.Ask people what gender they are.
76.Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
77.Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78.Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."
79.Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar", or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80.While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
81.Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82.Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
83.Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim its a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84.Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85.Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86.Wear a LOT of cologne.
87.Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
88.Sing along at the opera.
89.Mow your lawn with scissors.
90.At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91.Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
92.Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
93.Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
94.Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
95.Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96.Never make eye contact.
97.Never break eye contact.
98.Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99.Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
100.Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101.Invite lots of people to other peoples parties.
99 ways to be Annoying while Ording a Pizza
1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
3. Use CB lingo where applicable.
4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
7. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
8. Answer their questions with questions.
9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
10. Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST FREE-SPIRITED COST-EFFICIENT UKRAINIAN PUCE.
11. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
12. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.
13. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."
15. Stutter on the letter "p."
16. Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g. If phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!)
17. Ask what the order taker is wearing.
18. Crack your knuckles into the receiver.
19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
20. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.
21. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
22. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.
23. Change your accent every three seconds.
24. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
25. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?"
26. Start your order with "I'd like. . . ". A little later, slap yourself and say "No, I don't."
27. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."
28. Rent a pizza.
29. Order while using an electric knife sharpener.
30. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
31. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.
32. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."
33. Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" When they finally offer proof that it is, in fact, (Pizza Place), start to cry and ask, "Do you know what it's like to be lied to?"
34. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.
35. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
36. Imitate the order taker's voice.
37. Eliminate verbs from your speech.
38. When they say "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."
39. Play a sitar in the background.
40. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
41. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
42. Ask to see a menu.
43. Quote Carl Sandberg.
44. Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back.
45. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
46. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.
47. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.
48. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
49. Shout "I'm through with men/women! Send me a dozen of your best, Gaston!"
50. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are you?"
51. Psychoanalyze the order taker.
52. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
53. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
54. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza.
55. Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.
56. Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's fired.
57. Report a petty theft to the order taker.
58. Use expletives like "Great Caesar's Ghost" and "Jesus Joseph and Mary in Tinsel Town."
59. Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
60. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."
61. Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.
62. Try to talk while drinking something.
63. Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and. . . action!"
64. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
65. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
66. Be vague in your order.
67. When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
68. If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.
69. After ordering, say "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.
70. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."
71. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.
72. Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.
73. Say "Kssssssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that.
74. Detect the order taker's psychic aura. Use it to your advantage.
75. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.
76. Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals to play it.
77. Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.
78. Perfect a celebrity's voice. Stress that you won't take any crap from some two-bit can't-hack-it pimple-faced gofer.
79. Put them on hold.
80. Teach the order taker a secret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.
81. Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say "I said 'sauce smothered with meat'."
82. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
83. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?"
84. When you'ge given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."
85. Haggle.
86. Order a one-inch pizza.
87. Order term life insurance.
88. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"
89. Order with a Speak-n-Spell where applicable.
90. Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.
91. While on the phone, change the pitch of your voice. Go from soprano to bass.
92. Engage in some serious swapping.
93. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say "Please don't mention that word."
94. Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired.
95. If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.
96. Ask if the pizza has had its shots.
97. Order a steamed pizza.
98. Get taker's name. Later, call exactly on the hour to say, "This is your (time of day) wake-up call, So-and-so." Hang up.
99. Offer to pay for the pizza with a public flogging.
10 ways to be annoying as an Usher at a Wedding
1: Show up drunk. I mean REALLY drunk.
2: SQUEEZE as many people as you can in each row before opening up the next one. We're going for efficiency here.
3: Two words: "Bathroom Key"
4: Insist on frisking all female guests. Body cavity searches are optional.
5: "March" down the aisle and speak with a German accent as you show people to their seats.
6: Urinate in front of each row you are about to open up. Make comments about marking your territory.
7: Pretend you are the Phantom of the Opera. Lurk in the shadows when time permits.
8: Offer your "services" to all guests.
9: Offer guests the opportunity to be included in your plans for world domination.
10: Insist on a pants-free environment.
One's that have E-Mail Me
1.Spank your monkey in public
2.Read publically all 101 ways to be annoying with a bull horn(megaphone).
3.Print all the ways to be annoying at a friends house and after reciting
each one say "oh boy thats a good one."
4.Say,"Why",Reaptedly to each statment and/or question.
5.Talk about south park all the time.
6.Read "War and Peace" in a public place, then laugh histercly as if it was
very funny
7.Every five minutes ask what time it is.
8.Imitate Michael Jackson in public.
9.Snort when you laugh.
10.Act like an retard.
11.Sing the SPICE GIRLS song wannabe.
12.Buy explodeing golf balls for someone who golfs.
13.Laugh when people are being serious!!
14.Send e-mails that are coverd with thesse :)
15.Say "theres something by you lip" when there isn't anything there and
when they say "did i get it" answer with a "no"
16.Send e-mails with nothing one them
17.Write with differn text with differnt letters
18.Say twinkies are healthey
19.Make farting noises all the time
20.When in a elevater cut the chesse and say "oh ma god you just Farted''
21.Spit from high buildings
22.Pee on the toilet seat
23.When in a car, Ask are we there yet every 30 seconds.
24. If someone says they have a really funny joke, right after the first sentence laugh histerically.
25. When someone asks you a question only answer with --> that's for me to know and for you to find out.
If you have any other Ways to be Annoying, E-Mail them to me & I'll throw
them on here.